Another typical day at the Wood

Another exhausting day here at Shelterwood. I am truly having to live moment to moment by God's grace. I love it though. I am humbled by how amazing these girls are and I love them all so much.

This morning we had 2 classes (wow it seems so long ago now). In one we are focusing on the life of Christ. Today we discussed some of the prophecies from the OT that spoke of Him and we also discussed the virgin conception/birth. In the next class we learned more about discipleship, including what the benefits are and what the risks are when we become personal with other people.

After classes we had to figure out who was taking one girl to the doctor and who would be around for all the other numerous things we had going on today. Since three of the bigs (leadtimer girls) were off today we only had five here. It created some stress as our house director had to basically make out a master schedule for all of us to know when and where we would be. Since I had to be on dinner duty at 4:30 I hung out with the girls for a while then went to work. The long and short of the night was that myself, one other big and some random helpers did diner duty tonight. Normally we would have more help, but I ended up being in the kitchen for 4 and a half hours. In the words of a previous big, "the kitchen is to be sucked." It was rough, but one of the guy bigs came to help us clean up and he brought his computer and played music for us. It was a good mental reprieve. :)

After we got done in the kitchen I went out and sat by the pool for a little while to cool down my feet. The water was crazy cold, but I began to thank God for all the blessings I had received today: the beautiful weather, a quick nap, Stefan to come help in the kitchen, cold water on my feet, a beautiful moon, wind, friends, and just being here in general. Even though tonight was rough it was such a great day just being here and allowing God to serve through me.

After a rest, hanging out with a friend here talking for a while, I came back to some drama in the house. The bigs are all tired and stressed, the littles are tired and many are sick, and tempers were steaming just below the surface. Having that few minutes to thank God and relax I felt I came back into it all with a cool head, but it frustrated me how we are all so spread thin sometimes. I know it will all be okay soon enough, but my heart pours out for these girls, bigs and littles alike. I love them and I pray for the best for them. There is still no place I would rather be.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. At least I am only on lunch duty and not dinner duty. :)

Day 42 at LeadTime

Okay... so, since a bunch of people are telling me I need to blog about my time here in Missouri, I finally figured, "well, I've already been here a month and a half, why not start now?" :)

Today was a beautiful day here: the sun was shining, the breeze was warm, the leaves are beginning to turn colors. A group of us this afternoon laid on the carpet in the living room and watched YouTube videos for over an hour. I got to go for a walk to enjoy the day. Later I get to take one of the girls to an appointment and then enjoy the evening hanging out with the girls. At 8:00 we do study hour, then at 10 we have room time. 10:30 is lights out and with all luck I will be in bed and asleep by 11:30. :)

I love being here and I am learning so much from God about myself and how I interact with others. There are definitely times when I feel like a parent and I have a feeling that when I actually do have kids (way in the future) I will apply a lot that I have learned here.

This place is truly challenging, but there is no place I would rather be. I have such peace here. God is so good in how He orchestrates my life to bring the greatest joy. I never would have chosen this place for myself, but God knew where I should be to have the most abundant life and where He would receive the most glory. I am so glad He knows what He is doing.

Princess in a Tower

There is an age old story of a beautiful princess trapped in a tower, awaiting her prince to come. She stares out the window, paces the floor, imagines hair-brained escapes, dreams of freedom, and waits. She sees men ride by on their white steads; some she calls out to, others she merely watches pass. Some call up to her, but she replies she wants to be in the tower. Why? She doesn't really know.

I truly feel like this princess. I am sitting in a tower, waiting, yearning for a prince to come rescue me. The tower is singleness, or more aptly, loneliness. I want to be pursued - for someone to think I am worth the time and effort to rescue. I stare out the window watching the men go by, wondering if any of them are "the one". Some offer their services, but I shy away. Why? I don't know, except that maybe I feel safe in my tower. But more likely it is because I know that to step out of my tower would be to make myself vulnerable to my rescuer. And I want to know if he is trustworthy. Somehow, maybe from my vantage point of the high tower I can see who is worthy. So, I reject the help offered.

Then, there are the other men who walk past barely noticing me in my tower. Perhaps they think I got myself there and am enjoying my position. Perhaps they are afraid to fight the dragons to rescue me. Perhaps they just don't want to be my knight in shining armor. Yet I see them walk past and yearn to have them look up and understand what is going on. For them to care enough to pursue.

But just like in the story there is only one prince who will be able to rescue me. All the others will fade into the background, but someday my prince will come. :)

The annoying thing is that until my knight comes I catch myself day after day watching the men who pass, wondering who will it be? A few I want to notice me and pursue me. So far, none have. I wonder what is it about me that makes the men walk the other way.

Then, the King answers and says to me, "You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are funny. You are valuable and worthy to be pursued. I love you." And in the midst of the rejection by many princes, I know the King speaks Truth. There is nothing wrong with me that chases knights away. The tower is not a trap or a prison. It is a guard-wall that protects me from getting hurt by bandits dressed as princes. My King wants me to remain safe until the prince He has chosen can come rescue me. His motive is love and His purpose is holiness and purity. I can wait until the right time as long as the King continues to remind me of His overruling love and sovereignty.

So, until that right time, I sit in my tower, pace the floor, listen to the wind and birds, and wait for my prince to pursue me.

I am worthy to be pursued, but I don't want to be until the King's chosen prince makes his move. For now my tower is my guard, and my King is my satisfaction no matter what the future holds.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. (Message)