Submission to Authority

"Let every soul be in subjection to the higher powers."

I have always thought of myself as pretty submissive and servant-hearted. And in a lot of ways I am. I love serving people and blessing them by doing nice things for them and encouraging them. The problem is, I am only a servant when it is on my terms. Through a couple conversations this week with some other bigs here I realized just how rebellious I am. I will do what people tell me to do, but I will complain about it and in my heart resent them for being that "oppressive authority" in my life. I know I am rebellious, and I really do think people have to earn my respect, but the Truth that recently hit me afresh was that I need to be a servant even when I am commanded to do something. It cannot always be on my terms, and no one has to earn my respect for it to be right for me to respect them.

Here at Doulos we have a lot of serve days where we are told what we have to do and it usually involves doing really menial tasks that seem to be pointless or efforts in futility. Many of those things I would gladly do if no one asked me to - for instance, cleaning windows or vacuuming floors or raking leaves. I would do any of those if it hit me that it needed to be done and would bless someone. Yet, when I am told I HAVE to do those things I get really defensive and negative and even angry and resentful. That is not the attitude of Christ.

I want things to be on my terms. I want others to earn my respect. I am cordial and respectful in action towards most authorities here and elsewhere. I will usually do what I am asked/told to do. But the part Jesus is most concerned with is my underlying attitude and heart in the situation. My heart in those times is not Christ-like at all. I am rebellious and evil in my heart.

I want that to change. I want to serve others when they ask me to do menial, annoying or dumb tasks. I want to have a better attitude. I want to offer respect and submit my heart to others even if they treat me like crap and never consider my thoughts or feelings. This is huge for me - someone who is very, very... very independent and opinionated. Yet, it is a step I need to take. I need Christ to empty out those black, disgusting parts of my heart that drip with resentfulness and anger and fill them with peace, submission and love. I am thinking this year is a great time for that to happen. But it will be a hard uphill battle against a lot of filth in my life and against a lot of powers who want me to remain independent and proud.

Father help me have the right heart, not just the right actions.