We all have them. Those few people in our lives who drive us absolutely nuts but we are unable to escape from: family.
They are responsible for our little idiosyncrasies, our prejudices, our looks, and even our underlying dysfunctions.
I look like my mom, I act like my dad. I am stubborn, have a smoldering temper right beneath the surface, am very opinionated, and I will fight for the dumbest things.
Every family has its problems. No one is perfect, and in a family atmosphere all those imperfections become more than apparent. Yet, in spite of it all we are supposed to love each other, stand behind one another, and spend time with one another.
My dad drives me crazy - he still treats me like I am a little girl. I think it is because he just can't handle the fact that his little girl is all grown up and a woman now. My mom never gives me advice because she wants me to find my own way or something like that - I hate it; I wish she would just tell me the right decisions to make sometimes. My brother and I fought like mortal enemies throughout our teenage years. I was terrified of him actually. Even now we act like strangers in the same house whenever we are together.
As much as I would like to disown my family at times I realize I can't. And besides, wherever I go, my family tags along because they are all a part of who I am.
Yet, in spite of all my issues with my family I love them all. I wish I could say it sometimes. I would rather blame them for making me screwed up, but I am just as much a part of the problem as any of them. We all have our issues that we carry with us deep inside. I don't know all, but I do know some, of the deep scars inside my mom, dad and brother. I want to love them, but most of the time I just don't know how.
When my dad is being annoying, or when my mom is being silent or when my brother is being distant, how do I say "I love you"? I was recently reprimanded for being mean to my dad. Perhaps I deserved it, but it hurt. I don't want to be mean - I just seem to do it automatically. How do I stop? How do I change who I am so completely to start loving these amazing people who are such a part of me?
I wish I knew, but until I figure it out I keep asking for God's strength and help to become a better daughter and sister today. Hopefully soon I will become a woman they can be proud of. Until then, I am afraid I am just another disappointment and issue that tears my family apart rather than mends back together the broken pieces. I'm just not strong enough yet to fix the problems I have caused... and that fact breaks my heart...
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Perhaps...just perhaps...they are SO like you, that they are stubborn and unaware of how they are hurting you...I hope this isn't the case...but just maybe.
ReplyDeleteSara, God put us with the family we are with for a reason. sometimes we don't understand why, but they are given to us for a reason...one day we'll know. They might be there to help us to learn what to do and what not to do once we have our own families.
ReplyDeleteI know. My dad is a hard man to live with at times, the one who had adopted me. He gets angry when things do not go his way, when projects turn out the wrong way than he wants them to be. Sometimes he gets upset over te stupid stuff, but I could think of what it might had been if I wasn't adopted-being in foster care or orphanages, living in the streets, not knowing Christ.
Show them love in different ways-verbal, actions, gifts, touch, quality time. Read the 5 love languages to get some ideas.